Meet the ‘real Siri’
My 5 year old son and I like to garden in the summer, it’s a great way to build real world skills and simply get kids outdoors with their hands in the dirt. We all need a little grounding sometimes I guess.
In a bid to emphasise his responsibility I asked my son to name the plants we bought and planted recently, the one pictured with the bright pink flower he called Siri. It was a touching moment that summarised my parenting style completely, I am striving to pass on my love for learning with a mix of old school hands on skills, combined with a curiosity for the new supported by online (we use Khan academy to help with maths and Storybots on Youtube finally helped me remember the order of the planets too!). Siri must have popped into his (not so little) head as he’s been trying to figure out who ‘he’ is and I have been doing my best; turns out explaining digital concepts to an executive is easier than to a pre-schooler though, one of them definitely asks more questions!
My parenting aim is for a balanced and simplified approach, sure iPads and TV are there, but as my own mum would say ‘all things in moderation dear’, and if it’s sunny outside, that’s where we’re headed. Sometimes it’s just about paring things back: reading a book at the library, popping to the post office (while both of those are still with us!) or watering the plants together; it’s about removing the distractions (and that’s the adults and their phones, not everything needs to be snapped for Instagram) and being present. Little kids are already really good at that, it’s us they’ll pick up the bad habits from.
So how can we all achieve the right balance?
There is plenty of doom-mongering right now about technology addiction and how the younger generation in particular glued to their phones, are losing real world social coping and connection skills. One view is that we are ever becoming ever more narcissistic and isolated in this always connected, always on social media age where we can and are able to get what we want, when we want it. And I think this darker side technology and how it has manifested in our society is a real thing, not just for the instant gratification generation but all of us, right? Clearly, seeking self-worth and validation from our selfies and obsessing about our gadgets like any addiction is going to be bad for our emotional state, our physical health, our cognitive ability if we are unable to exercise self control. We are humans and we need fresh air, exercise, shelter, calm minds, love and real connection; our smart phones can’t give us that and indeed more often take us away from those basic needs. That said I am a self-claimed geek who loves and is excited by technology, but all tools (including our minds) need to be used with purpose.
For more on this, check out this amazing talk by the rather wonderful Simon Sinek who explains the connection between dopamine and technology addiction, as a concerning coping mechanism for the stresses of adolescence.
Make space for the magic to come in
In his book, Present Shock, Douglas Rushkoff argues we have a new relationship to time; we live in an always-on ‘now’, where the current priorities seem to be everything (so where to start?). ‘Digiphrenia’ as he calls it is how technology lets us be in more than one place — and self — at the same time and it’s really overwhelming. It’s clear then, that we all need a little focus to embrace the quiet moments in life instead of instantly turning to the technology as a social crutch, and simply sit with ourselves. It’s in this space where the magic can happen, where the prosaic can flourish into something wonderful or spark an idea (as Sinek sets out). No wonder mindfulness, meditation and even digital detox is such a growing trend — we are increasingly seeking tools to help us foster greater self control and turn off.
And while I recognise there are multiple factors, it’s not surprising that our mental health is suffering and suicide rates are on the up. Indeed I have recently started to work with an amazing charity called the Joshua Nolan Foundation which has highlighted the fact that in the UK, suicide is now the biggest killer of young men (20–49). We need to talk about mental health and tap into the reasons behind this troubling and tragic trend which is seeing the numbers of people who need support increasing, with an NHS which is already over burdened with other critical services unable to cope. It’s a complex issue and not one I am going to solve today, but I want to pay tribute to this plucky little charity which is taking on this huge issue and providing access to quality counselling, and also recognise that we need to look at how we get the right balance and bring up emotionally rounded young people in the social media age. Our schools, politicians and teachers don’t have all the answers, so as digital experts in our field, I believe we have a responsibility to contribute to a national debate.
I am ever the optimist though and I have long believed that things will turn full circle and we will, perhaps out of necessity, find ways to turn off or better utilise the tech, gain control and get back to the present to do more to build real relationships and communities, when we need to. Technology is amazing, full of promise and it’s changing the world in so many positive ways, but it needs to be used mindfully and with purpose. As Einstein said, time is an illusion and “is what prevents everything from happening at once”, so let’s make a little space for time to happen now.
